Cabin Fever

The stock market may fall
Gravity might become redundant

The question I pose is... when the completely unexpected and entirely shocking happens, something which is so cataclysmically improbable that you could probably put it down to a one-off planetary alignment glitch... then, has the world gone mad?

I got a job.

Furthermore, I enjoy it.

Weeelll.... fuck me indeed. Someone get Hawkings on the phone.
It's at a restaurant called the Cabin in Fulham which serves food to a discerning, largely plummy mouth crowd (well I did say Fulham), mainly couples and braying yarrr families, but altogether a pleasant and warm place. My new hobby has become being as totally fantastic as I can, all in the name of tip acquisition... and I'm getting raaather good at it. In my place, would you want to leave your magnificent table without leaving some mohoney for your fab waitress (because she was so helpful and lovely wasn't she?)... no you wouldn't! And all this keeps me in cash tip heaven where I can finish every shift and buy myself lots of Staff Drinks otherwise known as Asahi (very reasonably priced at £1, and very agreeable with cash tips as payment).

So that's the story of that.
Oh and we had a very drunken and hazy Friday.. one of those ones where strictly remembering every event isn't entirely necessary, save to acknowledge that you can just feel in your bones it was loads of fun.
Dibs to - Zoe Mandy Roger and Alex - we reinstated juggy!! And at it's original source, Weeks Hall, how kitsch! Well, authenticity is everything these days. Some lovely cocktails were invented then just as quickly glugged, never to be remembered again. Although Arbor Mist wine-based cocktail was a firm favourite in all mixes, I tell thee. Iskander was there also, like an ethereal presence in the proceedings, and special celebrity cameo by Tim Ashby.. how very authentic!
Tim Tom Lianna Adam and A Few Others I Don't Remember - for services to the union and wearing fluorescent bunny ears (one of those drunken props you don't quite understand but find yourself sporting later on in the night, as if by magic, as if the God Of Party himself awarded you them for your service). Also I understand you were all bollocksed aswell but you know how it is when you're a little bit more drunk so anyone less drunk seems perfectly able-to-drive sober.
Iskander - for being Iskander and being there!
And finally the Mighty Martin "crusty" Baker!!!!!

MARTIN YOU ARE A GOD AMONGST MEN!!
We were razzing it up like the poshest of drinkers at the bar ordering in rounds of six voddycokes each and pouring them into pint glasses for easing consumption and rambling around with. We drank, we danced and our cups were neeeever empty. We too ended up with bunny years. Baker, should you ever go back to McDonalds and leave my life, this will be your legacy, you rocked on Friday! Also to go down in history with the 100% official funniest drunken composition I've ever witnessed and I will never forget you for it!

Ladies and Gentlemen I leave you with this very same composition, sung along to the chorus of Misteeq's Scandalous:

Iskanderlous
- A Wholly Original Composition by Martin Baker Esq
Iskanderlous, He's had yer mum,
Iskanderlous, got mega-muff,
It's all about Iskander's lust,
But watch out for pubic dandruff.


My life is complete!
xxxx